Just over 2 years ago, I had a bit of a breakdown. I had been experiencing untreated post partum depression for almost 2 years, we were living in a new place and I wasn’t making friends very easily, I was re-experiencing some previous trauma, and I just couldn’t function. Parenting was hard, I couldn’t focus on my children (other than basic needs such as feeding them when hungry). Thinking was probably the most difficult task. I could think about trauma and anger, but anything else. was tough. I started seeing a therapist to help with the stress and depression. That was beyond helpful. My life has changed tremendously in the past few years. My love for myself and my family is so real. I made some changes that were much needed that took a lot of practice, positive self talk, writing, and failure over and over again. I am still working on them.
One of the many things she talked about was finding things that I enjoy doing, and looking forward to them. Since then, I have worked on this a lot, and found some fun things that I enjoy. I was doing much better with that, but had a lot of progress to make still. When I got pregnant with Eleanor, I mostly just needed to survive. I had to majorly slow my life down while pregnant just to keep enough energy to again make sure my children’s basic needs were met. Then I had Eleanor and had to slow down even more for a bit. Hobbies were put on the back burner.
Here I am, 8 months post-partum, ready to show up for life again. I have slowly been adjusting to life with a new baby, a new home, growing children, and a relationship to grow with my husband. I need a whole other post to talk about how I approached adjusting to life post baby carefully to keep depression at bay. Now that I am figuring out how to be a mom to three, I am ready to start working on building and re-building relationships and hobbies.
A while back, I had written a blog post about what I enjoy doing, and what I would like to try sometime. I talked a bit about how I enjoy color and dates with Brian. I have never taken an art class before, but over the past few years, have wanted to try. Brian and I have registered for a water color painting class together. We are both thrilled. I really want to stretch myself by trying new things. It is every Wednesday evening for 8 weeks, and we have hired a babysitter to tend the kids. The great part is that class is during dinner and bedtime, so lucky for us, we get to skip that job once a week! I was just telling Brian that it would be nice to have a regular night off. Brian has been playing racquetball with a buddy once a week for the past year, so again, to work on hobbies and relationship building, I have been inviting some friends over for a game night while he is out and the kids are in bed. This has been a nice way to meet new people and to have fun. I also joined a monthly book club in my neighborhood to get myself to read. I enjoy reading, but for whatever reason, I don’t do it. I am halfway through my book, and I am really looking forward to it. I bought a bike from the classifieds (piece of junk) and a bike trailor for the kiddos, but never got to use it because of the junky bike. I found a bike today, and am looking forward to biking with Calvin and the girls to school here and there. I also signed up for a belly dancing class with my friend from home starting in April. This is super new to me, but I look forward to learning something new and different.
I am glad I got the help I needed, and that we are in a position where I can find new things to try. I feel happy that Brian is helping me to embrace changes and look forward to a fun and enriching life. I used to think that with small children, I couldn’t enjoy hobbies. I was not important enough to care for, or to think about. That just isn’t true. I have learned so much about myself over the past few years. The 2 most helpful things I’ve learned is that I am important, and much happier when I put some special focus on me, and that I don’t have to super focus on what others think about me. Here is to 2016 and trying new things!
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