Backstory: I took on a new job not too long ago. I am working with a non-profit group called Urban Village to turn our apartment complex into more of a community. My job is to help residents plan social events, education classes, etc., and to help our complex become more environmentally friendly. I am sort of the in between person for the residents and the program director (who lives in California). In return, I get a significant rent reduction. It takes more time than I expected, but I want to do it because making friends here is still going very slowly. People are nice, but it seems like they are content just being at home. I also chose to do it because it will help us pay off our student loans much faster than we had planned on. In addition to this, I've been volunteering at my church as the Relief Society secretary. For some reason, it's been busier than normal lately. I also started to do a preschool co-op with some people from church for Calvin. Since we don't get together with people very often, I thought it would help Calvin to be around other children. I feel like I need to slow down, but I don't know how. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
I am not used to being super busy. I (and my kids) prefer structure, but also enjoy spontaneity. With all of these activities, it's been difficult because I can't just say, hey kids, let's go to the park for an undetermined amount of time. I have to plan it in. When the kids are cranky, I can't just drop everything and go because I have x,y and z to do. As a result of this new schedule and lifestyle, I feel frazzled, stressed and down. I just need to find a way to be organized and spontaneous at the same time. Is this possible?
I'm supposed to teach Joy School on Monday, and with the exception to our home teachers, two people from our apartment complex and one or two people dropping something off, we haven't had anybody from our ward in our home. Every house I've been to in the ward has been spotless and big. I feel overwhelmed because I think I have to get our apartment in complete order before anybody comes over. That is not like me. I've never compared my home to somebody else's before. I figure they get what they get and if my apartment isn't spotless then they can feel better about themselves. But because I can't make friends here for some reason, I've been feeling like I need to somehow change myself and things will get better (distorted thinking I know).
With all of that being said, and you can tell in my writing, I have been struggling with confidence, keeping my mind organized, planning effectively, etc. I've been trying to work on my RS newsletter for a week now, but every time I sit down, my mind is blank, I'm not interested in finishing it, etc. Feeling the way I was feeling, I said a quick prayer, explained my dilemma and asked for some guidance. Immediately following my prayer, I had the thought, "Look in your notebook" This is the one I write in when I can't think straight, etc. I opened it up to the middle and when I looked in, this is what I had written "I just feel so frazzled lately. I can't think straight, plan, etc. I just want to feel organized." Sound familiar?! Under that statement were my thoughts on a blessing Brian had given me just after moving here.
1. Think positively- The way you view yourself as a person, a mother, etc., affect your results and the emotional/spiritual environment of your home.
2. You are good enough- As a person you are always good enough. You don't need to change who you are.
3. Be patient. You won't always get the results you want, but Heavenly Father won't allow anything serious to go wrong.
What are your thoughts on this post? Feedback would be great.
2 comments:
As I read this, I was like "That's ME!". Jack just started kindergarten, we're doing co-op Joy school with Eli, and I just got put in the RS presidency. I have really been struggling with exactly the same thing it seems like. The kids and I have always enjoyed structure in our day, but structure that's set up by me, not by any external forces, you know? It's been driving me crazy and producing major anxiety for me to have to be certain places at certain times and to feel like I can't just be just the mom anymore. It's been rough. One thing that I've tried to do that's helped has been to try to spend a few good quality minutes with the kids, as in, when I don't have to be doing something else, I try to really be in the moment with them and enjoy them and not think about the other stuff that we are going to have to do later or that I am going to have to do later. And then I've also started doing kind of random spontaneous things, like baking something fun or making Halloween decorations, when we have an extra ten minutes here or there. These things make me feel like they are still my focus, not all of the other stuff that's crowding up my life. Anyway, if nothing else, know that you are not alone in your frazzled boat :).
Feeling frazzled and a bit inadequate is normal, but there are a few things you mentioned that could also be signs of a medical problem -- the distractedness and the difficulty focusing could be a sign of hypothyroidism. I've had it for over ten years and it is fairly easy to check for and (often) easy to treat. So my first suggestion is to go to your doctor and get a check. If you do, make sure you have them tell you what your TSH levels are, rather than just telling you you are high or low. It's possible to be in the normal range and still be having symptoms. You might also want to check online checklists and such to see if you may have some depression going on as well (I had it after #2 and it was tough!).
But barring a health condition, my other thoughts are that this sounds like a challenging time for you -- you're in a new area trying to make friends, perhaps feeling some loneliness, and you're home all day with your kids and that can be challenging if you're feeling isolated. Even if you're making friends, they probably haven't developed into the closeness that you're missing from where you lived before. Be patient as it will take time to feel centered in your new routine and to make the friends you want. Put first things first -- make sure you take time to read the scriptures and pray (my best routine is listening to conference talks every morning while I clean my kitchen) and then try to find a balance between stuff you like to do and stuff you have to do.
Let me know if you'd like to get together sometime -- I know you're in Salt Lake and I'm in Provo, but if you're up for the drive, we'd love to have your kids come play here one morning.
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